


Fairy Lights

by trashsshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Related, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friendship, Homophobia, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idols, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Relationship Issues, Romance, Secret Relationship, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Tension, i'll add more tags as i go along, use of Jongin's stage name
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17484170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashsshi/pseuds/trashsshi
Summary: The fans who shipped Baekhyun and Jongin complained about being fed crumbs. What they never realised: their favourite rarepair was trying not to leave a trail.





	Fairy Lights

**Author's Note:**

> if canons could be au that's where this fic would fit
> 
> this is sooooooo self-indulgent i'm s o r r y also it's my first time writing a longfic and updating chapter by chapter as i write it. i'm new to all this have mercy cries

They had no idea what the comeback was supposed to sound like, beyond the producer telling them that it would be their usual EDM-inspired sound, but with a dream-pop twist. They were in the process of recording their individual teasers; these were the parts focused on each member that would appear only in the teasers and not the final MV. Later, after the actual MV shooting, parts of the MV would be mashed into each teaser, and the final teasers released a few days before the MV.

Jongin walked through the dim garage with its psychedelic lighting, the camera following. A line of lava lamps keeled over like dominoes as he passed them. This comeback song would be trippy, that was for sure. Like Ko Ko Bop wasn’t trippy enough already, now they had him dancing on a floor that lit up kaleidoscopically. He’d thought SM had left the dancing-in-a-box-set model behind, but apparently they’d just brought it back with an upgrade.

After some smouldering looks at the camera, with liquid light shows playing across his face, he was done, and went to watch how the other members’ recordings were coming along. They were happening simultaneously so that most of the props and settings were used at once, and sometimes rotated when one member was finished with a set. Jongin was sweating after so long under the lights inside the stuffy garage, and wandered outside for the soothe of the cool night.

In the open field outside the garage, Baekhyun sat on a stool outside a parked trailer, gazing into the distance. There was a wreath of what looked like fairy lights in his hair. Violet-magenta and fluorescently vivid. He looked a vision- delicate, dreamlike, almost figmental.

Jongin didn’t take much notice of the cameramen and the large, ugly equipment. All he could see was Baekhyun. All he could think was that Baekhyun was beautiful.

He didn’t hear the cameraman say that they were finished with the shot, but when Baekhyun blinked around, saw him and beamed, ‘Jongin-ah!’ it should’ve broken the spell, snapped him out of it. But instead, he felt his insides jolt and his mind numb further.

It was only when he felt Junmyeon link arms with him that he was disentranced, and turned his answering grin at him. He didn’t see Baekhyun’s smile slowly fade, oblivious to the firefly flickering near his ear as he watched the two walk towards the waiting van.

* * *

Baekhyun clambered into the van last, squeezing in the back in the place Jongdae saved for him. Jongin glanced up at him in the rearview mirror a couple of times, but he seemed to be lost in looking out of the window. He was still crowned by fairy lights, but their glow was switched off. Why, then, did Jongin still feel his heartbeat quicken when he looked at Baekhyun? Was it the lights from lampposts and cars’ headlights playing across the soft contours of his face? Was it the way he watched the surroundings slip by, lost and abstracted? It was different from the look of wonder he’d put on during the shoot but it still made him somehow unreachable, ethereal. Maybe Baekhyun was just as beautiful looking at street lights as stars. Maybe Jongin would forever see him in this new light; maybe this was no dim illumination, maybe it had all the jarring upheaval of a flash that affected your vision for a while afterwards.

His mobile vibrated, jarring him out of his pleasant, slightly dazed, slightly yearning state. The glow from the screen swallowed the remembered glow of fairy lights, the spots of city lights fleeting over fine features. Jennie had messaged him on KakaoTalk.

Jennie: how did the shoot go?

Jennie: you must be tired

Jennie: take a break w me sometime. text me ur schedule

Jongin smiled. He was crazy. What could he have been thinking? They’d styled Baekhyun very well for the comeback, that was all. Thinking he’d  _ always  _ see him as beautiful now that he’d noticed it once, getting sentimental… that was going overboard; that was downright crazy. It was one thing to admire him and quite another to get sentimental. And he was a guy!

Jongin shook his head at himself. He didn’t know how he’d ever gotten to thinking like that. It was… slightly scary, to be honest. He had to get a grip. Maybe all the preparations really had taken a toll on him. He couldn’t be tired already, though. There was still the release and the promotion cycle; technically, they hadn’t even begun.

He texted back: will do. this cb is gonna be packed tho, idk when we can

Junmyeon was asleep with his head thrown back against the headrest, breathing through his mouth. Jongin sighed. It had been weeks since he’d seen Jennie, so he felt bad about hinting that he might blow her off before he even compared schedules with her, but there was no helping it. They’d just finished their tour and were already preparing for another comeback.

He sent her another message: i miss u tho. call me?

He leaned back in his seat, looking forward to a shower and some measure of sleep. His eyes met Baekhyun’s inscrutable ones in the rearview mirror, a wreath of dead fairy lights in his hair and city lights skimming over his face. He swallowed, telling himself that he felt nothing. He was looking at Baekhyun. Just Baekhyun. The hyung he wasn’t very close to. Who he liked, but liked indifferently. Just someone he got along with.

* * *

Baekhyun took a while to get to sleep that night, in spite of being exhausted. He remembered finding Jongin at the end of the shoot, and the way Jongin looked at him, as though he was really seeing him for the first time. It made a small part of him light up and flutter inside, like a firefly. So that ‘Jongin-ah!’ jumped out of his mouth, like  _ ‘You’ve come to me!’ - _ but he hadn’t really.

Because the next time their eyes had met, in the rearview mirror on the return to the dorm, whatever Baekhyun had thought he’d seen in Jongin’s gaze had already faded. Maybe he’d imagined it in the first place. The firefly flickered and died. A small part of him ached at the loss, for it was the first time ‘Jongin’ had ever left his mouth instead of ‘Kai’. It had felt monumental to him even if it had apparently escaped the other’s notice. But now it felt unreal, almost as though he’d dreamed it.

Baekhyun woke up later than he intended the next day. He brushed and proceeded with a towel slung over his shoulder to the shower- with a short detour to the kitchen on the way. The shower was already taken, but that had never deterred him. He inserted the chopstick he’d brought and fiddled it around in the lock until there was a  _ click.  _ He sauntered into the shower. Kyungsoo looked around from slathering soap on his arms, evidently unsurprised.

Baekhyun was glad it was Kyungsoo, honestly. He didn’t know what he’d have done if it was Kai. It would’ve been too soon after yesterday for him to just step in and shower with him nonchalantly. His foolish imaginings had a power over him that no degree of self-awareness could subdue. He wouldn’t have been able to just stalk back out again because then he’d be making things weird and also because there wouldn’t be time for him to wait and shower after. Baekhyun shuddered, simultaneously at the thought of such a could-have-been worst-case-scenario and the cold spray of the shower (since they were so late, the hot water had run out.) He resolved he had to actually wake up earlier like he kept planning to, no matter how tired he was the previous day.

“You ready for today?” Kyungsoo asked in his pleasant, husky rumble.

“Pretty much,” said Baekhyun. The vocalists and dancers would work separately in the studio today to master  _ everything  _ about the song, then teach each other later. “Are Chanyeol and Sehun going to work apart from us today, or?”

“Well they’re still going to have to work with the producer while coming up with the rap, and to start with it’ll be looking at the song as a whole. So we’ll all probably work together at least part of the while.”

Baekhyun nodded, humming and working shampoo into a lather. So the rappers would be learning the dance at the same time as the vocals, then. Pity, he was most comfortable learning to dance from Sehun, who straddled both rap and dance and who he was pretty close to (biting-butts-close), but now he’d have to have one of the blindingly talented dance line teach him.

He flicked some lather at Kyungsoo, tongue poking out teasingly, and the latter tackled him, attempting to land tickles on his stomach and neck. After being successful, Kyungsoo laughed at him, cheeks bunched up roundly and shining with soap. Rapping on the door, and Junmyeon’s angry-mom voice yelling for them to hurry up, the manager was on the way, finally had them stop to recover their breath and finish showering.

Their manager arrived just as Baekhyun was padding around the dorm, rubbing a towel to his hair. The journey to the studio was uneventful; they took the same seats as usual and Baekhyun looked up into the rearview mirror a couple of times but Jongin appeared to be intent on an amusing conversation with Chanyeol, and didn’t glance at him.

* * *

Their producer turned out to be Kang Yijeong. EXO had worked with Devine Channel before, but never with him- yet he seemed faintly familiar to Baekhyun. Minseok whispered to him that he was an ex-HISTORY member, and it clicked into place. His slight nervousness dissipated knowing that here was someone who had experienced being an idol, and a vocalist. They were made to listen to the song several times with music sheets to refer to, then each made to sing different parts to decide on the line distribution. Junmyeon and Minseok went off to practice together, and Kyungsoo stayed a while with them before retreating into a corner, earphones plugged in while he sang.

That left Baekhyun to practice with Jongdae, which he was pretty happy about because they were such close friends. His friendship with Jongdae was different from Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo took no end of shit from him but liked to kid himself that he had Baekhyun under his stern control. Jongdae tolerated a little less from him, and could serve up sass and savagery in his rebuttals. They went into an empty room and practiced, total calm settling over Baekhyun as they harmonized.

After an hour or so they took a break. Baekhyun took one gulp of water, and commenced driving Jongdae up the figurative wall: a most enjoyable pastime. Jongdae mused wearily, “Why am I friends with you?”

“Because dinosaurs make good pets?”

Jongdae rolled his eyes and turned away. “More like, dinosaurs have thick skin.” He side-eyed Baekhyun. “Luckily for you.”

Baekhyun hummed, humouring him, scrolling through his phone.

“Yah, you can’t devote so much effort to making me want to tear my hair out and then just walk away once you get bored of it,”  Jongdae. 

“I only decided to stop cause I want to go easy on you,” he teased, wrapping himself around Jongdae’s arm and grinning up at him friskily. “You know I care about your wellbeing.” Jongdae snorted, but a corner of his lip quirked up.

* * *

After a couple more days of the vocal and dance line each practicing their parts, they were ready to help each other. Baekhyun had perfected his lines, and also more or less familiarized himself with the lines allotted to the members of the dance line so that he could help them.

Baekhyun watched Kai from across the room, trying to bring himself to approach him. He still felt… weird after the other day, and wanted to dispel the weirdness. He’d decided he wanted to be the one to help Kai with his lines, because the only way to get rid of the awkwardness he was feeling was to work through it. And that meant interacting with him just like normal until he really did feel normal.

“What, are you finding Jongin’s dancing sexier than usual?” Jongdae’s voice in his ear made Baekhyun jump.

“ _ No,”  _ scowled Baekhyun, perhaps too emphatically, because Jongdae raised his eyebrows. “I’m just waiting for him to finish dancing and take a break ‘cause I want to help him with his lines.”

“Why don’t you help Yixing, he’s free right now? I’ll go to Jongin whenever he-”

“No, I want to do Kai!” Baekhyun burst out, then pursed his lips quickly, mentally flaying himself. Jongdae raised his eyebrows again, then proceeded to waggle them suggestively. “Jongin, Baekhyun says he wants to  _ do you!”  _ He called from across the room. 

Infuriated, Baekhyun attempted to tackle Jongdae and failed. “I meant I’m going to teach you your lines!” he yelled, without looking at Kai because he was too mortified, gripping Jongdae by the hair and thumping his fist on his back.

A chuckle over his shoulder, and Baekhyun turned to face a grinning Kai.

“That’s what you meant? I’m disappointed, hyung,” he smirked. Baekhyun felt his cheeks flame. 

“Very funny,” he said through gritted teeth. Jongdae had straightened up and was watching the exchange with enormous interest. Baekhyun sent a glare his way, which he blithely ignored.

Kai’s warm breath ghosted over the nape of his neck. “I want to do you too, hyung.” Baekhyun whipped his head back so fast he nearly cricked his neck. “Teach you the choreo,” said Kai smugly.

“Oh.” Why couldn’t his sass save him as usual? He tried to call it up from every reach of his being, but could come up with nothing. He wanted to punch the smirk off Kai’s face. Face burning, he fished out the sheet of lyrics from his pocket and said, “Enough fooling around. Your lines are marked here, see? I’ll sing them for you, but you need read the notes alongside.”

“Yes, hyung,” said Kai, puffing out his lips meekly. Baekhyun frowned, trying to detect mockery in his tone, but wasn’t sure if there was any. They retired to a quiet corner, and Baekhyun held the sheet between them. That meant, however, that he and Kai were standing with their shoulders almost touching, Kai leaning his face even closer to his so that they could read the sheet together. 

Baekhyun gulped, trying to concentrate wholly on the piece of paper in front of him to block out the fluttering of his nerves. “To begin with, all you have to know is how to carry the tune, and remember the words. Modulation, emotion, we’ll get to that later.” He wasn’t going to bother with trills or anything fancy because Jongin was a dancer, not a singer. His vocals needed to be tuneful and convey the right emotion, no more than that. (And it was Baekhyun’s private opinion that Jongin’s voice was naturally soulful.)

Baekhyun demonstrated, singing softly and brushing his finger alongside the corresponding lines in the paper. Jongin was supposed to watch the movement of his finger to follow the lyrics and notes, but he was instead staring at Baekhyun… at Baekhyun’s lips.

Baekhyun’s nerves fluttered wildly, the fluttering made itself known in the abrupt uncertainty in his voice even though he was singing only casually. Kai’s gaze felt hot on him. He glanced at him nervously and brandished the paper closer to his face, emphatically pointing to the line he was singing. Kai obediently looked, for around a minute, but then went back to staring at the movement of Baekhyun’s lips as though he couldn’t help himself.

“All right,” said Baekhyun, his voice sounding firmer than he felt, “now repeat each line after me.” He sang it line by line, and Kai echoed him as best as he could; Baekhyun sometimes correcting him when he was off-pitch. But whenever Baekhyun opened his mouth, Kai’s gaze fixed there with a strange intensity.

“Are you contemplating kissing me or what?” snapped Baekhyun. He knew Kai had a habit of watching people when they sang. It’d once made him very self-conscious during a concert, when he’d been seated next to Kai during Acoustic Time. Covering the side of his face hadn’t deterred Kai, rather the opposite, for he only did it more, to tease him.

Kai’s chocolate eyes widened adorably, a flush suffusing the tan of his skin. “W-what?”

“Why do you keep staring at my lips, it’s… weird and distracting,” said Baekhyun, wishing he didn’t sound so whiny. Even if it was an unconscious habit to watch someone’s face as they sang, Kai had to try not to do that in this instance. He had to pay attention to the music sheet.

Kai blinked rapidly, then his cute mode faded and the smug version was back. Only God could help Baekhyun now. “Do you want me to?”

“What?” 

“Steal your lips?” Kai walked towards him with measured, purposeful steps. Baekhyun skittered back, and the taller rested his fist on the wall above him, grinning cheekily down at him. Shit. He was cornered.

“I just asked why you were staring-”

“Obviously, it was to observe how to pronounce the lyrics, hyung. Ever heard of lip reading?” drawled Kai. “And you surely know this, but you went and decided my motivations weren’t innocent- maybe because that’s your  _ wishful thinking _ ?” Kai moved closer, closer, Baekhyun shrinking back, his mind blanking, until their faces were an inch apart-

Baekhyun pushed the paper into Kai’s face, sending him stumbling back, making room for his escape. Kai took the now-crumpled paper and watched Baekhyun scarper amusedly.

* * *

Time for the vocal line to learn the choreography. Baekhyun made a beeline for Sehun, but suddenly found his way blocked by Kai.

“I said I wanted to do you, hyung,” said Kai in a low voice, punctuated with a boyish grin. “Remember?”

“Dammit,” muttered Baekhyun to himself before remembering that he was supposed to be interacting normally with Kai, not avoiding him.

“Oh, yeah,” nodded Baekhyun, feigning nonchalance. Kai smiled and led him to a free space in the practice room. Whenever Kai made physical contact, correcting his posture or the way he positioned his limbs in a step, his heart jolted. When Kai watched him, his skin prickled with heat and he fumbled. Basically, he kept messing up and it was all Kai’s fault. 

“This isn’t going anywhere,” Kai sighed finally.

Baekhyun worried his bottom lip. Kai had been so patient, really. Baekhyun couldn’t even be mad at him for being so hot. And teasing him. Okay, he was a  _ little _ mad about Kai teasing him. But he was also grateful. And felt bad about wearing him out.

“You’re not usually this clumsy,” said Kai, his eyes round with concern, “how’s your condition?”

“I’m fine,” said Baekhyun. Kai’s obvious worry was making him feel worse. “I feel fine, I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I’m so sorry-”

He almost had a heart attack when Kai shushed him- Baekhyun went cross-eyed looking at and trying to wrap his mind around the finger placed on his lips. Kai lowered his finger only to step forward so that they were almost nose to nose.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, in a gentle voice that sent a quiver through Baekhyun’s body. “We’ll just practice longer, okay?”

So they stayed back while everyone else left for the dorm to rest. Baekhyun could feel shame to the ends of his toes, except Kai ruffled his hair and smiled sweetly and reassuringly, ruffled those feelings away. Baekhyun smiled back, with perhaps too much feeling, because Kai held his gaze for a moment before turning away and clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Ok, let’s go. Once more from the beginning,” he said, going to turn on the music. Baekhyun nodded and stood in the starting position.

When he began dancing, the fact that he was now alone with Kai should’ve made it worse, but Kai ruffling his hair with that smile seemed to have lasting effects. 

“You’re doing way better,” said Kai with a pleased grin. Baekhyun felt a rush of gratitude and grinned right back, panting, his t-shirt sticking to his back. “Let’s go over it one more time.”

* * *

Once again, Baekhyun did decently. He still had to make his moves sharper, though, thought Jongin. He’d managed to correct most of the minor mistakes but a few persisted. In particular, he was having trouble with a move that involved him spinning once and doing some swift footwork after. He’d do the spin, but miss a beat before beginning the footwork because he couldn’t get a hold of himself quick enough.

“Just figure this one out, and we’ll call it a day,” said Jongin. For a while he was prompting Baekhyun with verbal encouragement. When Baekhyun spun around for the seventh time, he nudged his heel with his foot to see if Baekhyun would start the footwork early in reflex. He knew dance didn’t become practically reflex after a while for Baekhyun like it did for him, that Baekhyun had to be mindful, but it was worth a try.

But instead he tripped up both himself and Baekhyun. And ended up on top of the smaller male.

His eyes widened, his throat closed up. He couldn’t think; his head was full of the man under him. At the back of his mind, he remembered a wreath of fairy lights. And just an hour or so prior, mussing Baekhyun’s hair- it was as fluffy as he’d imagined- and the slight downturn of Baekhyun’s eyes that he’d somehow never really registered (how could he not have?); Baekhyun biting his lower lip; sweat shining on Baekhyun’s neck and beading at his collarbones before dropping off their jut-

All of him could feel all of Baekhyun under him. All he wanted to do was grind down on the man under him and crash their lips together, hear him moaning into his mouth and pull his body flush against him, closer than they were already.

He wanted all of Baekhyun.

And it scared him.

* * *

Baekhyun was scared too. Behind the blanking of his mind, he was scared because this was why he didn’t do much of fanservice or skinship with Kai. This was why he wasn’t that close to Kai. This was why he thought of him as Kai in his head and not Jongin.

Because if he got too close, he was certain to get burned.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> that's the first chapter, folks. hope it made you fangirl, at least. yes i'm kaibaek trash and this might be the most self-indulgent thing i've let myself write, so there's definitely gonna be more to come, a LOT more. updates will be irregular though because i'm in my last semester of college and have other fics jostling for attention, and the fest ones must be priority. 
> 
> yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/trashsshi) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/trashsshi) in the meanwhile.


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